I’ve been sitting on this blog for a while now and I have consistently put off actually writing anything. There are many reasons for that; not knowing where to start, being afraid to actually use my voice uncensored, fear of misrepresenting my community, and many other excuses I’ve used all coming back down to fear. As a trans woman I have had to overcome fear many times in my life. As human beings, we wake up every morning and are faced with the option to face our fears or to stay in bed and hide from the outside world. We all experience this to different degrees. Today on my long drive to work I found myself, once again, analyzing what fears kept me from using my voice in this forum. And finally instead of asking myself what it was keeping me from starting, I began asking myself why I should start. The answer was both quite selfish, and simple. Because I needed it and even if it was only for one entry, which hopefully it will not be, I felt a desire to have my thoughts laid out in front of me in a cohesive way that made them ‘real’.
After deciding to finally start writing the next step was to figure out what I wanted to say. Instead of letting myself fall back into the fear of finding the perfect opening entry I decided to skip the introduction (mostly). Origin stories are both some of the best stories but some of the most complicated and hard to get just right. However, as a big fan of comic books, I know that Origin stories do not necessarily need to be the first ones told. So rather than telling you where I came from and how I became this person, I’m just going to start telling my story and fill in the blanks as I go.
Welcome to my Wonderland, where the things that are may not be what they seem, and what seems to be very often isn’t.